Confessions From the Fitting Room
Apart from not entering a store after a couple glasses of sangria, I live my life by a few simple garment guidelines. They help keep me and my bank account in check, as well as give me some sort of basis to make rational decisions in an otherwise emotional moment. Yeah, shopping is an emotional thing, y'all. When you see that fuzzy, oversized, neutral colored tribal patterned pull-over sweater from across the store, gasp to yourself, and then drop whatever you're holding as you speed walk over to the rack in hangs on, that's an emotional reaction. You've got to keep that in check, because when you try on said sweater that you're already in love with and it doesn't fit you quite like you thought or you look at the price tag realizing it costs as much as your last three cable bills, you're going to need some internal real-talk-truth to get yourself to walk away.
So after many years of mental turmoil, I've made some guidelines and forced myself to stick to them. It's really for my benefit and 51% of me believes that while the other 49% of me is pouting in the corner, which is impressing no one.
Is It Worth It?
My typical rule of thumb is the dollar amount should equal the number of times I will wear it. So I need to be able to wear a $40 top 40 times before I’m done with it and give it to Goodwill or my cousin. If that thought scares me or I’m not excited about committing to wear it that many times, I know I shouldn’t buy it. I still try it on to get it out of my system but I immediately force myself to put it back because my small amount will-power. There are a few exceptions, like outerwear or a special event pieces, where I bump it up to $2 per wear. It was $3 per wear but it’s easier to do the math with $2 and I would rather not do a lot of math when I’m shopping and in my happy place.
When in Doubt, Walk Out
Most of the time my Like-to-Purchase ratio is 4:1 because 1) my style is significantly more expensive than I can afford and 2) I have commitment issues. In the dressing room, I’ll have three piles—Absolutely, Iffy, and Let’s Forget This Ever Happened And Move On With Our Lives. Usually anything in the Iffy pile ends up getting put back because if I’m not in love with it now, I’m not going to fall in love with it at home. It’s going to sit in my closet with the tags on it for months until I give up hope on ever wearing it and toss it in my donation bag. Then I go through my Absolutely pile, evaluating the price-to-wear ratio and when my next paycheck hits my checking account. If there is something that I’m obsessed with, I’ll usually buy it, but if there is even the slightest hesitation I’ll put it back and sleep on it. If the next time I get dressed and regret not buying that piece I’ll head back, but 99% of the time I really didn’t need it.
Off-Season is the Best Season
I usually try to buy as much as I can off-season, especially coats. I love shopping for coats during the summer. It brings me so much joy and I feel like a lunatic telling people to buy winter coats and jackets when it's 98 degrees outside but who cares. You'll thank me later. A couple summers ago I got four coats for under $100 at Zara. Four. Nice. Real. Coats. Full price that would have cost me at least $500. I got them 75% off and I was actually giggling at the register. As much as I love buying things like this when stores mark them down just to get them out of their stock room, you're not going to get as great of a selection, especially with things like bathing suits, which really only come out for a few months of the year. But if you're looking for a staple piece like a trench coat or great wool jacket, definitely try to find something March through August before they start hyping everything up for Fall. Once you hit mid-September it's over. The sweaters are coming out and they're putting twinkle lights on everything. But that would be a great time to start looking for some shorts.
Trends Vs. Classics
I'm always going to be more willing to spend more money on something if I know I'll be able to wear it for a long time. I've found that I'm very skeptical of spending good money on "trendy" items because I feel like they're going to be old news in two years and I'll have to wait twenty-five years before I can either hopefully fit into it again or make my teenage daughters fight over who gets my vintage (which is my dream btw). I mean, I'm still going to buy trendy clothes, because I love fashion and some of the trends recently are actually super cute, like harem pants. I am all about a good harem pant. But I'm not going to buy the Kate Spade version, I'm going to go get the H&M ones in like four different colors and patterns and not feel bad when I have to throw them out eventually. Seriously though, H&M has like $10 harem pants. They're great for travel. I feel like it's always important to try on the latest trends though, like the mid-calf jumpsuits that have been happening lately or the resurgence of overalls. If you like it, buy it. Flaunt it. Wear it all the time. Own the trend. Just don't feel like you have to participate. Don't let other people dictate your personal style. If you appreciate a good crop top but don't think they fit into your wardrobe, that's fine. I just now started getting into plain white sneakers even though that's been a thing for a while. Whatever, I wasn't ready then. That wasn't where I was in my personal style journey. Live your life and wear what you want. Okay, this got motivational and a little out of control but I stand by it.
Get it Out of Your System & On-to Your Wishlist
Sometimes it's not so much about the end product of shopping, it's more about the experience. Sometimes it's just about trying something on or looking to see what's out there. Merely window shopping. I've found two ways to counteract this impulse and only one actually forces you to leave your house. The key to both of these is will-power which I have very little of, so they bank on taking advantage of the little bit you have and acting fast. The first is shop online, but don't actually purchase anything. Put everything in your "cart" but then just shut down your browser, get up, and go do something else. Sometimes I'll just bookmark all the things I want and put them in my "wishlist" folder. Sometimes I pin them to my Virtual Closet Pinterest board. If you want, you can collage them in Photoshop into a clothing mood board. Whatever you need to do to not go out and buy things that you don't actually need or can afford. The second way I combat the need to shop is kind of like the first way, but in real life. This is going to sound terrible and I sincerely apologize to anyone who has ever worked retail, because you're about to get super upset. I will go to Target and get a cart. I will get a coffee. I'll go through my entire shopping routine as if I spending the money of some rich man who thinks I'm super into him but deep down knows I'm not so he let's me take his credit card in hopes to win me over. It doesn't work but I buy things with his money anyway. I try on clothes, pick up books I find interesting, maybe some new bath towels, and when I would normally go check out and spend hundreds of dollars on my cart full of useless items, I push it back to the tupperware/trash bag aisle and GTFO of there because I know if I don't I'll start bargaining with myself. "Oh, you don't need to buy all of this, just get the candles and the Barefoot Contessa cookbook and that's fine!" No, internal-monologue-me, that's not fine. If I feel like I have more will-power than normal, I will go and put everything back. That really only happens about 40% of the time and I feel awful that it doesn't happen more. But when I validate it in my mind, I envision this scene kid who works at Target because their parents made them and they put back everything in my cart in a really slow way to avoid doing actual work or interacting with people. Their name is Taylor and they run a Gerard Way tumblr account. You're welcome, Taylor.